3 Questions to Ask Your Honey About Money

We all want it. We all need it. But for one reason or another, most of us find it difficult to talk about money – especially when the conversation involves our significant other. No matter how hard the talk is to have, the reality is that you can’t create a truly great relationship until you can openly communicate about money.

Think about dating relationships. Money is the one subject people will lie about most. People tend to stretch the truth a bit when it comes down to talking about the dollar.  They do all kinds of things to influence how others perceive their finances. While some conceal their money so they can be certain they’re not being used, others spend money they don’t have trying to impress the object of their affection. This may work out with surface level interaction, but when dating becomes a full blown relationship, it’s time to get real. . . . And, here are a few questions to help you get there:

1. “How did your parents handle money?”

We all have a financial blueprint; the way we specifically interact with our money. For most of us, our financial blueprint was handed down to us by our parents almost like a strand of DNA. But, it’s important to remember that no one is born with a particular attitude towards money.  We were all taught how to act and think about money matters.  These conscious and subconscious beliefs, ideals, thoughts and actions are what create our financial blueprint.

Talk to each other about what you heard about money and what types of behaviors you witnessed regarding money and financial matters. Once you can understand the environment a person grew up in or the way their parents or other influential people in their life handled money, it’s easier and much less frustrating to understand a person’s money style.

Related Post: 5 Signs You're Dating a Deadbeat

2. “What does money really mean to you?”

When it comes to our relationships, money is NOT the issue that many seem to believe it is. Money, that little green piece of paper in your wallet, in and of itself is powerless. It’s actually what the money represents to two different individuals that becomes problematic.

Money represents different things to different people. Money and material items might equate to love and affection for some.  For others, it could represent the difference between control and dependency or safety and stability.  If a person was brought up in a family, where expensive presents were given as a sign of love and affection, they might expect to get the same treatment from a partner even as an adult. But suppose their partner was raised to believe that working hard, saving money and providing a stable home environment meant love and affection?  These are where two people who may mean well, can often bump heads.

Who Are YOU In a Crisis?

If you fall to pieces in a crisis,
there wasn't much to you in the first place.
Proverbs 24:10 (The Message)

Ouch! That is definitely a harsh word, but very true. Since our country's economic tsunami began about 3 years ago, I have seen people in both my personal and professional life literally fall to pieces. A lack of additional resources has caused many to now publicly display their abundance of personal inadequacy. Without their bells and whistles attached, people have become unrecognizable to even themselves.

I have witnessed brothers and sisters turn on one another, children rebel against parents who are struggling and striving to keep a roof over their head as opposed to a Louis on their arm and husbands and wives ripped apart over financial failure.

These observations have left me wondering on countless occasions, "Was their much to these relationships in the first place?" Foundations made of sand . . . the only explanation I have come up with thus far. People who allowed money to make them . . . instead of simply making money work for them. Marriages that are founded on selective amnesia which conveniently forget the vow "for richer or poorer." Parents who buy love instead of give and receive love freely. In my eyes, this is what our society has become.

My true and sincere prayer is that people will recognize that these times are here to bring us closer together and help strengthen us at our core. Its time that we value relational wealth over just material possessions, for how we treat our loved ones in times of crisis reveals the authenticity of the foundation of that relationship.

Life is cyclical. This is not the first recession and it certainly will not be the last. Take a moment and reflect on how you've allowed this crisis to affect the real you and the people in your life. Remember that who YOU are in times of economic crisis or any other state of personal emergency is truly who YOU are.

Seek Wisdom, Find Wealth & Be Blessed!

Reckless Words

Proverbs 12:18
Reckless words pierce like a sword,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

A friend of mines is going through a rough patch in her marriage right now which really saddens me. She is a beautiful woman, with a servan't spirit, booming business and the cutest kids you'll ever meet. On the outside, she's the type of gal that many could and probably do envy. But on the inside she's torn to pieces over her husband. He doesn't particularly feel like there is an issue because he's not cheating, he provides and he spends time with the kids. The problem is, however, that despite the great package he appears to be, the recklessness of his words is tearing his wife apart emotionally, when his tongue is where she should be able to seek refuge.

Have you ever said something that you knew was terribly wrong as soon as the words left your lips? Have you ever felt the sting of someone saying something to you that just crushed your spirits? Even if it were in the heat of an argument, once the apologies were professed and the truces called, someone is still carrying the pain of something that was said and can never be taken back.

Let's take a stand today to choose our words wisely in all of our relationships. We shouldn't always be worried about what we need to say. . . . sometimes whats more important is how the person we're talking to will be affected by it.

My friend is seriously considering leaving a seemingly great marriage because her husband just doesn't recognize that the words he chooses and the tone, style and attitude with which he speaks is killing the spirit of his vivacious wife. This proverb alone, if heeded to, could save a marriage.

Seek Wisdom, Find Wealth & Be Blessed

I Want to Be a Nobody

Proverbs 12:9
Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant
than pretend to be somebody and have no food.

A few months ago Gerald and I met the Baileys, the couple who owned a home we were considering purchasing. The Baileys were nothing to write home about as my friend, Lauren, from high school would always say. They looked like average people just trying to sell a home like everyone else in this economy.

After a few minutes of walking through the house and talking to them, we realized how much they reminded us of ourselves. They have been partners in their real estate business for 28 years and married for forty! She handled all the paperwork side of the business, but wasn't afraid to get dirty when necessary and he did the "hard labor" as he called it. Yup, we saw Gerald and Patrice in thirty or forty years written all over them!

We stayed for awhile talking about marriage, children, real estate and the like. Suddenly after a few subtle comments, it hit us both that we were in the presence of multi-multi-multi millionaires! Couldn't have guessed it by the holes in his Reeboks or her faded red top, but they were! It was obvious that they don't reveal their personal business to everyone that comes knocking, but they eventually were comfortable enough to tell us about their 40 pieces of free and clear property, "mini" yacht and thriving investments. Who would've known by their appearance that the Baileys were rolling in dough?

That's just it! Appearances really don't mean two cents these days. Actually they never have for that matter. Each day we meet people who can't wait to tell you about what they have, how much it costs, their extravagant lifestyles and blah, blah, blah. They want you to know that they are somebody and you better recognize it! But if we actually got close enough to know them, we'd find that they can't even afford the clothes on their back or the Prada shoes on their feet.

This economy will hopefully teach us that its not about what others perceive us to have, but what we know we have accumulated in the bank! The Baileys could care less about what we thought about their faded shirts and Reeboks because every day they drive home in their paid off car to their mortgage free home on the lake, with their paid off yacht docked in the back! I think this is the life God intended for us all - not the one where we try to keep up with the Joneses, but one where we can live in harmony with the Baileys.

Seek Wisdom, Find Wealth & Be Blessed!